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WCW Monday Nitro Report
Live from Houston, TX
We now see Hart, Nash and Jarrett, coming to the arena with their NWO Shirts, Belts and a Guitar.
The Terrible Three are talking about Goldberg and the limo, Goldberg has a shredded tendon, but he got immediate surgery, but Goldberg will heal 100%...Tony then goes on to talk about how the Outsiders were supposed to defend the Tag Titles tonight, but no one has seen Scott Hall around. Tony then talks about how Exec. VP Bill Busch has had enough of Vince Russo and the direction of the company, and that if Scott Hall did not show up at the Astrodome by 7:00 EST, Outsiders would be Stripped of Titles...Outsiders are stripped. Tonight, there will be the beginning of a Lethal Lottery Tag Title Tournament that will start tonight, and continue into next week. 8 Matches tonight in the tournament, Jeff Jarrett against Kidman, Bret Hart against Jerry Flynn, and tonight, Scott Steiner will announce his retirement.
Chris "Champagne" Kanyon makes his way to the ring, with his entourage. He is out to do commentary for the first match.
Match 1: Brian Knobbs vs. Bam Bam Bigelow
Knobbs starts with trash cans on Bam Bam, and goes to the Hamper full of goodies to continue his assault on Bigelow. Tenay is inquiring Kanyon about the title belt that he has. Bigelow retaliates Knobbs' assault, and throws him over the steel guardrail. Bigelow then grabs the Ring steps, but the fight has moved out into the crowd, and is going to a merchandise stand, and the crowd literally flocks around the fight. Bigelow picks up Knobbs and smashes him through a table. Kanyon has gone up to the fight to comment on the fight, Knobbs makes the cover on Bigelow, and Kanyon says he wins, the ref says he wins...
Winner: Brian Knobbs
Out back, Sid Vicious and Chris Benoit arrive at the arena together. We then see a monster truck...and a man that looks LIKE Eric Bischoff walking in front of it.
In the locker room, the NWO is harassing JJ Dillon, Hart tells Dillon to deliver a message, and they start beating on Jo Jo.
-Commercial-
Outside, the NWO is checking out the NWO Monster Truck, Jarrett says they have work to do. Nash sees a white car, and goes to investigate, they recognize it as Sid's car, and Nash suggests they go get some spraypaint.
Sid Vicious makes his way out, with a microphone, and is going to talk about the NWO. Sid says the message tonight is that Payback will be a bitch. He says that Benoit, himself, and Goldberg have figured them out, and says that this warfare is real simple, they will kick their asses. It's unfortunate what happened to Goldberg on Thunder, he says he will be Bret Hart's worst nightmare, and that he will be going for the WCW Heavyweight Title, and he will powerbomb Hart straight to hell. Now, "The Crippler" Chris Benoit, is out to a VERY Appreciable Pop. Benoit is out to talk about Jeff Jarrett, he says it's a damn shame for pure talent to be overcame by ego and greed. Come Souled Out, Benoit has somewhat of an awakening or one hell of an asskicking for Jarrett. A Triple Threat Theater, No ropes, no way out, victory by Pinfall or Submission, you leave, and you lose. Also, and Bunkhouse Brawl, and to top off the evening, a special cage match called "Caged Heat" two men walk in, one man walks out...Three matches, one night, First to win 2, wins it all.
Outside, the NWO has spraypainted Silver NWO all over Sid's car.
Outside again, Sid sees what has happened to his car, and he is mighty pissed.
Buzzkill comes out to the New Age Outlaws Music, he calls himself the B-U-Double Z...This is plagiarism, making me sick. He is followed by Mike Rotundo, and this is match one of the Lethal Lottery.
Konnan is out next, Konnan's partner is Dean Malenko, a Member of the Revolution is teamed with a member of the Filthy Animals...
Match 2: Lethal Lottery Tag Match
Buzzkill/Mike Rotundo vs. Konnan/Dean Malenko
Rotundo and Malenko start off the match, Rotundo is having his way with Malenko, Rotundo tags in Buzzkill. Malenko tags in Konnan, and hits a somersault lariat on Buzzkill, and follows it up with a head slam, Konnan tags in Malenko, and Konnan and Malenko start to disagree, Konnan gets beat on by the Revolution on the outside, Animals save, Cloverleaf on Buzzkill, Hacksaw is in and hits Malenko with the 2x4, Asya is in, but Leia Meow attacks her, Buzzkill rolls up Malenko and gets the win.
Winners: Buzzkill and Mike Rotundo
Backstage, Jarrett is spraypainting NWO All over, and he is trying to get into the Production Truck, but it's locked, they then start messing with cables beind the truck, and Nitro goes off.
Nitro comes back on, and the picture is a little snowy, We see Rick Steiner helping his brother, Scott Steiner out of a limo, Rick gets the wheelchair out, and wheels Scott to the ring.
Backstage, the nWo is destroying the Catering part of backstage, and they spraypaint nWo on the wall.
Match 3: Tank Abbott vs. Shane
Tank starts out brawling with Shane, and simply overpowers him. Tank Simply Destroys Shane.
Winner: Tank Abbott
Nitro has a nice recap of Scott Steiner's career, and the titles he has held. One thing about WCW, they do awesome tributes.
The Steiner's old music starts up, and Scott Steiner is wheeled out, by Rick Steiner. Scott climbs up into the ring. Rick gives his brother a hug, "You know, I had a speech all set up here, but that trip down the aisle was harder than I thought it would be, I went back to the doctors this week, and they took some x-rays on my back, and some MRI's and they said that I have a degenerated disc and I need another surgery and he said for me to be healthy, he told me to retire" Starts Crying "You know somethin you've been doing all your life, through high school and college, when someone tells you this, it's hard to take, not being able to leave on your own terms is real tough, the toughest thing of all, is that i'll never be able to wrestle with my brother again, if you would, the next couple of weeks, you could, say a prayer for me". Scott is getting out of the ring, and the nWo comes out.
Bret Hart says they should have a big hand for Scotty Steiner, and tells him to get his stinkin' ass out of the ring, because they don't have anytime for a washed out nobody like him. Hart says he'll be honest, Steiner was never any good anyway. They throw Steiners wheelchair up the aisle. Hart is talking about how he understands emotion, but there are more important things than a washed up wrestler like Scott Steiner, and that he still has his Gold, Jarrett says he can't bring himself to do "it". Nash gets on the stick, and says he has a few things to say. Jarrett whacks a man on the outside with the guitar, a WCW Crew Member, and Nash says "Oh, it's a break, we'll be right back" and Nitro goes to commercial.
Nitro comes back, the nWo is still in the ring. Nash says he had something to say before they were interrupted, he tells whoever took their bats in the back, it was a real bad move. He has to give a shout out to the WCW President Bill Busch, and tells Bill to do himself a favor and sit up in his offices in Atlanta and let them take care of things. Sooner or later, him and Scott will get the straps back...He guarantees, Scott will be in Houston tonight. Jarrett asks the crowd if they want a survey, and he's got his Survey right "here". Nash gets some stuff bleeped out. Nash bashes Goldberg, and hands the mic to Hart. Hart says that he is 4-0 against Goldberg. He says Goldberg reminds him of Kevorkian, he says that Goldberg should consider himself Stopped. Hart talks about Sid wanting to step up to the plate, and Hart is going to destroy him just like they destroyed his car, only difference, Sid will bleed...Now Jarrett is talking about how he has all the stroke in the Astrodome tonight, and they should call it the Assholedome, Jarrett is talking about Benoit's Triple Threat Theater match at Souled Out, but don't be surprised if at the end, the credits say, Jeff Jarrett just kicked another Slapnutz ass.
Sid Vicious drives up to the ring in his car, and him and Benoit have the nWo's bats, and they clear the ring of the nWo. Hennig is in the ring, and tries to attack Sid, but Sid and Benoit easily handle him. Sid motions to Powerbomb Hennig. But he throws him out onto the hood of his car. And Nitro goes to a commercial.
Backstage, the paramedics are carrying Hennig away in the Ambulance.
Booker T and Stevie Ray come out, and it was luck of the draw that they got paired together. The Theme to Roseanne starts up, and Lash LeRoux is out next, and Lash's partner is MIDNIGHT.
Match 4: Lethal Lottery Tag Match
Harlem Heat vs. Lash LeRoux/Midnight
Booker T and Lash start the action off, Booker T hits a right arm on Lash, Lash tries a pin, but Booker kicks out, Booker T with a huge slam on Lash. Stevie Ray is tagged in, and unleashes punches on Lash, Stevie tries a back body drop, but Lash tries to turn it into a Sunset Flip, but failed. Lash tags in Midnight, and Stevie Ray looks excited to fight Midnight, he knocks her right back. Stevie Ray whips her into the ropes, and Midnight tries to attack him, but fails, Midnight gets a snap suplex on Midnight, Booker T cheers her on. Stevie Ray tags in Booker T. He and Midnight lock up, Booker T was going to back-kick Midnight, but stopped, Stevie Ray wonders what is going on. Booker with a leapfrog, Booker T with a backbreaker on Midnight, but he doesn't hurt her, Stevie Ray is in to knock on Booker T. Midnight intervenes, the ref is distracted by Lash in the corner, Stevie hits Booker T with the slapjack. He then hits Midnight, and then hits Lash, Lash falls on Booker T. and gets the win.
Winners: Lash LeRoux and Midnight
Backstage, Bret Hart is walking around, and Chavo comes on the scene with briefcase, but the masked person runs in, and attacks Chavo, and runs away.
The Revolutions Assault on America is shown, scenes from Washington DC, Shane pulls a guy to the side, and asks him what today is, the man answers December 18th, but he's wrong.
Match 5: World Title Match
Bret Hart vs. Jerry Flynn
(Segment Note: Why is JERRY FLYNN the number one contender for the title Tonight?)
Jerry Flynn comes out in street clothes, but ready to fight Hart. Hart and Flynn lock up, Flynn knocks Hart down. Tenay announces that at Souled Out, the World Title can change hands with a Disqualification. Hart backs Flynn into the corner, and unleashes rapid punches on him, and Flynn is floating disorientated throughout the ring. Flynn whips Hart into the steel guard rail, Jeff Jarrett and Kevin Nash have came out, with Spraypaint and ball bats, Flynn rolls Hart into the ring, and hits rapid fire kicks on Hart. Hart kicks Flynn in the gut, Hart hits a DDT on Flynn, and keeps Flynn grouned. Flynn gets back up from a Russian Leg sweep and kicks Hart's knee, Flynn hits a back kick on Hart, Jarrett comes in and hits Flynn with the bat, and Hart locks the Sharpshooter on Flynn, and the ref calls for the bell, Flynn is out. They beat on Flynn with bats after.
Winner: Bret Hart
Now, the nWo is spraypainting Jerry Flynn. Nash contemplates hitting Flynn's head, but thinks better, and they leave the ring. As they walk away, Tank Abbott is walking down to the ring, Tank is checking on Flynn, but then punches him down, and leaves the ring.
The Revolution's assault on America continues, Saturn continues going insane, saying he is going to capture George Washington with his net. Douglas starts bashing America, and how they stole land from Native Americans. Saturn sponsors reading.
In the locker room, Nash is talking to Scott on the Cell phone, telling him to hurry and get to the arena..
PG-13 comes to the ring, they try there crappy rapping, they are wearing Titans jerseys. The Varsity clubs music starts up, and Rick Steiner comes out with Leia Meow, Rick Steiner's partner is Berlyn...*Yawn*
Match 6: Lethal Lottery Tag Match
PG-13 vs. Rick Steiner/Berlyn
The Terrible Three talk about how Berlyn doesn't have much Tag experience...*Cough Cough Disco Cough*.
They haven't even started fighting yet, and this segment has already taken up alot more time than it needs to. Tony says that next Monday, Nitro will go to two hours, from 8-10 ET...Faster Nitro...Less, shorter matches...Dear god. Berlyn is dominating PG-13, and then PG-13 takes Berlyn down just as fast as my interest in WCW, Berlyn is on the outside, Rick Steiner comes in, and dominates PG-13, he has fire inside of him, and rams JC Ice into the corner, upside down, and does the same thing to Wolfie D. Berlyn is walking out of the arena, leaving Steiner alone. Steiner is still dominating PG-13, Belly to Belly on JC Ice, Steiner pins Ice, and gets the win.
Winners: Berlyn and Rick Steiner
Steiner continues his attack on PG-13. The Referee then disqualifies Steiner, and awards the match to PG-13.
Backstage, Saturn is talking to Hacksaw, about how they are partners tonight, and he says that if the USA wins, the Revolution wins. They are fighting Asya and Norman Smiley tonight.
The Revolution Continues their Assault on America, they are now in front of the White House, they are now bashing Bill Clinton, Saturn captures a man in a Clinton Mask with a net, but it's not really Clinton, Saturn apologizes.
Match 7: Lethal Lottery Tag Match
Asya/Norman Smiley vs. Saturn/Hacksaw Jim Duggan
Shane Douglas joins the announce table. Duggan takes out Saturn from the very beginning. Norman whips Saturn into the corner, and slams Saturn to the mat. Norman hits a suplex on Saturn, Norman wearing an Astros catchers uniform, takes too much time with Saturn, and gets a Belly to Back suplex. Norman is screaming as Saturn continues hitting him with Slams and Suplexes. Saturn goes to the top rope, and hits a big elbow off the top. Saturn hurts his arm, Norman tags in Asya, but Saturn picks up Asya, has her ready for a DVD, but he puts her town, he tells Asya to tag out, but Asya wont do it, Saturn pushes Asya, and grabs her by the hair, but Asya low blows Saturn. Asya puts Saturn up on the top rope. Asya with a superplex off the top rope. Duggan hits the Old Glory knee drop on Saturn, Norman makes the cover, and she hugs Asya, Asya suplexes Norman, Hacksaw hits Saturn with his 2x4.
Winners: Norman Smiley and Asya
Hacksaw's family runs down to the ring, with the flag, and they all celebrate in the ring.
Backstage, Kidman is walking to the ring, as is Jarrett.
Match 8: United States Title Match
Kidman vs. Jeff Jarrett
Jarrett beats down on Kidman into the corner, but Kidman retaliates with a drop toe hold Kidman has the advantage on Jarrett, Jarrett has Kidman on the mat, Kidman is favoring his back, Kidman with a drop-kick on Jarrett, tries for another, but Jarrett holds onto the ropes. Jarrett catapults Kidman out of the ring. nWo is coming down, with their bats. Nash throws Kidman face first into the ring, Jarrett with a Suplex on Kidman, but he kicks out at two. Kidman receives a drop-kick from Jarrett. Jarrett to the top rope, and a cross body block, Kidman rolls him up, ONLY a two count though, Kidman gets choked on the ropes, and Nash adds to the effect, Jarrett chokes him again...Kidman is up but gets a clothesline from Kidman. Jarrett has the sleeperhold on Kidman. Kidman is out for 1...2...Kidman is alive...and Kidman puts the sleeper on Jarrett, but Jarrett is out, Kidman hits a short powerbomb on Jarrett...But Jarrett kicks out...Bodyblock from Kidman...Jarrett kicks out again...Jarrett gouges Kidman's eyes, Kidman rolls Jarrett up, only gets 1, Jarrett whips Kidman into the ropes, but Nash pulls the rope down, and Kidman falls out, the Filthy Animals are out, helping Kidman out, but Nash comes in with the bat, and saves Hart, Rey Mysterio, hits Jarrett with the Crutch, Kidman rolls Jarrett up, 1, 2...NO! Jarrett tries to powerbomb Kidman, but NO!....Kidman going for the Shooting Star Press, but Nash hits Kidman with the bat, Jarrett hits the stroke on Kidman...And gets the pin. Now it's matches like that that made WCW great...but I don't think we will ever see one with a TWO HOUR NITRO, STARTING NEXT WEEK.
Winner: Jeff Jarrett
The nWo beats on Rey Mysterio after, and then they spraypaint the Filthy Animals.
Gene Oakerland is in the ring, and introduces The Total Package and Elizabeth, Luger comes out dressed as Sting, to Sting's music. Tony and Tenay tell us that we can expect Sting back at the end of January. Luger says that "The Total Package kicked my ass" he is acting like Sting...He says the Total Package is the greatest athlete in pro sports today, "hoowwwwll" "Howwwwllll"...This is a mockery. "When Liz hit me with that baseball bat, it was a combination of Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa". The lights go out, and thunder is in the background. When the lights come on, there are black roses all over in the ring...Luger looks scared, Gene is gone...
Nash is on the phone with Hall, telling him how to get to the Astrodome. Hall promises he'll be there.
Match 9: Lethal Lottery Tag Match
Fit Finlay/Meng vs. Harris Boys
Before the Harris Boys are out, Fit Finlay and Meng start beating on each other. The Harris Boys work on Meng. The Harris Boys are now working on Fit Finlay. Both Meng and Fit are outside the ring now, and they start brawling with each other. The referee calls for the bell, as Meng and Fit Finlay got counted out.
Winners: The Harris Boys (Creative Control)
Meng and Finlay continue to brawl. During this match, a match for Souled Out was announced "4 The Hardway" a 4 way Hardcore Match, Fit Finlay vs. Meng vs. Brian Knobbs. Vs. Norman Smiley...The lights go out again, and there is a strobe in the ring...Someone with a black hat and blonde hair ran in and attacked the Harris Boys.
David and Daphne are backstage watching a movie, laughing uncontrollably.
Three Count is in the ring, and Karagis says that they are going to Charm all the girls. The three guys start lip syncing to that stupid video again, and Tenay and company continue to talk about how terrible they are. Vampiro is our savior tonight, he is out to take out Three Count. Karagis is standing up to Vampiro. But Vampiro ignores him...Because...
Match 10: Lethal Lottery Tag Match
Vampiro/Evan Karagis vs. David Flair/Maestro
My God...WHY IN THE BLUE F*** IS MAESTRO IN THE LAST 20 MINUTES OF THE SHOW!?...I'll calm down...Wait...CROWBAR has taken out Maestro by the Piano (Crowbar = Devon Storm). David Flair and Crowbar talk to each other and walk to the ring, but Vampiro climbs up and gives them both a cross body block. Crowbar with a quick suplex on Vampiro, David Flair is in, and stomps on Vampiro, Now Crowbar is in, with some nice moves on Vampiro, slingshot leg drop over the top rope, Now Vampiro with a double head slam on Flair and Crowbar. Daphne helps Flair who is outside the ring now, Crowbar puts Evan Karagis out of the ring. Crowbar with a huge splash from the ring apron on Evan Karagis. Now Crowbar is delivering knife edge chops to Crowbar, Evan with a drop kick, and a cross body to the outside for Crowbar, Vampiro covers David Flair, but Evan is the legal mad, Evan pushes Vampiro back, Vampiro kicks him, the other members of Three Count try to take on Vampiro, but Vampiro eliminates them to the outside of the ring, Vampiro sends out Karagis, David Flair is whipping Vampiro around, Crowbar with low blow leg drops to Vampiro. Vampiro hits the Nail in the Coffin on Flair and covers, but Crowbar hits Vampiro with his pipe. Three count is distracting the referee, but the ref counts, as David covers.
Winners: Crowbar and David Flair
Three Count is back in, and they are singing, but we dont here anything, David Flair mocks them, and him and Crowbar knock Three Count out with the Crowbar. Daphne gets on top of David Flair, and they start making out...
Standards and Practices is in the ring (Lenny and Lodi). They have a very nice looking girl with them. They say that if such outlandish behavior continues, that people will be removed from their television show...But David Flair hits them both with the Crowbar.
The nWo is backstage, wondering about the whereabouts of Scott Hall. Jarrett is getting very worried about him showing up.
Match 11: Lethal Lottery Tag Match
Disco Inferno/Big Vito vs. Chris "Champagne" Kanyon/Buff Bagwell
Johnny "The Bull" brought a Cheese Sandwich to Ringside. It is announced that DDP will face Buff Bagwell at Souled Out. Disco and Kanyon start out. Kanyon is on the mat and in the corner as a victim of Disco's offense. Kanyon with a russian leg sweep on Disco. Big Vito and Bagwell are in now, Bagwell is down, Vertical Suplex from Big Vito. Vito is mocking Bagwell's poses. Kanyon has left the ring, leaving Bagwell for dead. Disco covers Bagwell, only a 2 count, gets another 2 count. Bagwell with a swinging neck breaker on Disco. Disco tags in Big Vito, Bagwell takes him out, then goes for Disco, but Vito is back, and hits Bagwell from behind. Johnny "The Bull" is distracting the Ref, Tony Marinara tries to hit Bagwell with a chain, but hits the wrong guy, Bagwell with the blockbuster on Vito, Bagwell covers Vito, and gets the win.
Winners: Buff Bagwell and Kanyon
Marinara and Disco are arguin, Disco comes into the ring, and hits Bagwell from behind with the chain. The Mafia Types are now stomping on Disco...Bagwell is hurt.
Backstage, Nash is walking to the ring, with his bat...Alone.
The nWo comes out, without Hall. Nash looks really frustrated. Nash says that Scott hasn't arrived yet, and if it's alright with Bill Busch and the rest of them, he wants to wait a couple minutes, cause Hall is on his way. The first opponent is The Wall. The other opponent is Sid.
Match 12: Lethal Lottery Tag Match
Kevin Nash/Scott Hall vs. Sid Vicious/The Wall
Nash is stalling at the announce table, and it's even tempting me to change the channel. ME! Nash starts off alone against Wall. Wall runs into the corner smashing Nash. The Wall with a side slam on Nash, but Nash kicks out at two. Wall with a right hand to Nash's chest, now Wall is ramming his body into the midsection of Nash. Hart hits the back of Wall's legs with the bat when he runs by. Sid gets tagged in, but he gets out of the ring to chase the nWo around. The Wall is continuing an attack on Nash, but it lasts little, as Nash takes the offensive, however, Sid is in, Hart is in, and starts hitting The Wall with the bat, Nash takes the bat and lays Wall out with it...Nash covers and gets the win.
Winner: Kevin Nash
Sid is choking Jarrett in the corner, now Nash is going to powerbomb Sid, but Benoit is in, and saves Sid...AND HERE COMES SCOTT STEINER WITH A BAT! I bet Scott Steiner turns....Steiner is in......HITS SID! IT WAS A WORK. SCOTT STEINER JOINED THE NWO...IT WAS A WORK! Nash was saying Scott would be here all night...Scott...Scott...Steiner...The nWo banner drops down, and Flyers fall from the ceiling....They bring Sid's car to Ringside, and beat Sid on his own car. The put Sid inside his car Nash sits on the hood of the car, and the Car drives away. The car drives backstage, and the nWo unloads, and they destroy the car. Bret Runs over to the Production truck, Nash hits Sid with the bat...And here comes the Monster Truck....And the Truck drives over the car...A good ending...to A less than Good Nitro.