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Monday Night Nitro Results
-GOLDBERG IS HERE, AND COMING TO THE ARENA, REJOICE!
-Goldberg is talking about the Outsiders, he knows that they are back watching the TV listening to him. Does Goldberg look like the kind of guy to mess around with?...No, he's not...But week after week, the Outsiders try to entertain people with a "Little bit'o Comedy"...Not tonight though, says Goldberg. See, Goldberg remembers, and likes the Chair shots he got last week...So tonight, Goldberg is going to put a stop to it all...This is Goldberg's world dammit...And he's going to give Outsiders a reality check...Says if Hall shows up while Goldy is kicking Nash's ass, he's going to show him what Heavy Metal really is...NASH IS NEXT...
-HOOOWWWWWLLLL...You guessed it, Hall and Nash are in the house, on my screen, and coming down the ramp. Nash gives the Queens Wave to Goldberg...Hall has the mic "Hey Yo...Hey Billy Boy, you sound really really upset, you're real serious tonight, so the Outsiders are here, to bring that comedy that you're referring today, because I gotta admit, last week when I wrapped that chair around your head, it was one of the funniest things i've ever seen"...Nash has 5 words for Goldberg "Don't sing it, bring it!"...Outsiders head to the ring to challenge Goldberg...
-Sid's music hits, and Sid comes down, and tells Outsiders that it's not going to be that easy...Sid is in the ring, and Goldberg and Sid are stomping down on the Outsiders, but That Damn Doug Dillinger and his Posse comes out and breaks up the fight...Of course fat men can't hold Goldberg back, HE PLAYED FOR THE FALCONS!...Hall and Nash retreat outside the ring...Well Hall did, and Goldberg, Sid and Nash are in separate corners...Those fake Goldberg chants start up, and that's that...
-TTT talk about tonights matches...Triple main event...Goldberg vs. Nash, Sid vs. Hall in a US/TV Title match, and BRET HART VS. MENG!!! FOR THE WORLD TITLE! MENG COULD BE CHAMP TONIGHT!...All three matches are NO DQ, and there must be a winner by Pinfall or Submission...Jerry Only vs. Dr. Death in a steel cage, Benoit/Jarrett/Sting in a number one contenders match...And get this...MUD, MUD WRESTLING, WOMEN MUD WRESTLING...Tonight.
-We see Piper in the back welcoming 2 Horizontally challenged women to the arena.
-Total Package is arriving at the arena.
-We are now looking at a Promo for WCW Mayhem, THE ALBUM, featuring Sting's new Theme, Seek and Destroy by Metallica.
======COMMERCIAL======
-The Mafia Types are going to handle Disco...Mafia Style.
-Buffy Bagwell is coming out, the Chicks Dig this guy...And now here comes Booker T...Could this be another exciting Booker T/Buff matchup?...NO!
MATCH 1:
WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH
Buff Bagwell/Booker T vs. Creative Control
-Creative control comes to the ring with Curt Hennig. With that Black Suit Hennig is
wearing, he reminds me of a Blonde Steven Segal...*Shiver*
-Buff Starts off, and is getting the crowd all pumped
up...Buff/Booker have the upper hand until a Cheapshot from Creative Control, Booker T
delivers the Axe Kick to Creative Control...Buff with a swinging neck breaker on the other
one, Booker T with a neckbreaker on the OTHER one...Double clothesline from Booker T and
the other guy...BLOCKBUSTER from the top...The other Creative Control is in, hits Buff
with a chair when he is covering the other guy...
WINNERS: Creative Control
(6/10 Stars)
-DING! Here comes MIDNIGHT. Midnight and Booker T alone in the ring now, they clear the ring of Creative Control, Buff, Booker and Midnight embrace in the ring.
-The Power is in the back talking to Juvi, tells Juventud that if he can defeat JUSHIN LIGER tonight, he will let him stay in the company...JUVI vs. LIGER!
-Liz is in the back, apparantley the Package is going to sue her, Liz is trying to get her way out of it, Package says he'll think about it.
-Piper is in the back office waiting for the Powers to assign him...I get the idea Piper is going to Ref a Mud Wrestling Match between the two fat women...HAHAHA!
-Ryan Shamrock is backstage looking at flowers.
-Tenay Talks...To Jarrett...Jarrett calls Tenay Slapnuts, and they are talking about Dustin Rhodes trying to make Jarrett's life hell...JARRETT HITS TENAY HARD! HAHAHA
-Here comes Brian Knobbs.
-Knobbs is pissed that he lost to a woman at Mayhem, but SMILEY isn't a woman, he's a HERO...He challenges Norman to go out right now...And Fit Finlay walks by Norman, and Norman hides under the table...But FIT FINLAY the Irish Hero is coming out and Knobbs is the one who injured Finlay...Fit throws Knobbs a Kendo Stick, and they start brawling...If Finlay beats the hell out of Knobbs, he has my Total Respect...
-Finlay has SCISSORS and is going to cut Knobbs UGLY hair!!!...This is QUALITY Television...My favorite Euro-Wrestler now is FIT FINLAY (i'm serioius)...Now Finlay is WHACKING Hairless Knobbs with a Stick...
-The Mafia Types are in the back talking about running families after the job is done...They are talking to MEAN GENE, Mean Gene says he's the only interviewer on hand tonight...GENE JOINED THE MAFIA TYPES!
-Creative Control is talking to Russo (The Power)...Russo tells them to take off their glasses...They are talking about Creative Control screwing up...RUSSO SIGNS CURT HENNIG vs. MIDNIGHT!
======COMMERCIAL======
-The Large Ladies are in the back, getting ready for their match tonight...And Piper is still waiting...
Match 2
Juventud Guerrera vs. Jushin Liger
IWGP Lightweight Title Match
-Buzzkill comes out for this match...Jushin Liger, for those of you who don't know him was
an excellent High Flyer in Japan, and now is one of the best Mat Wrestlers in the world.
-Juventud is fighting this match for his Work Visa...This is a great match, two great fighters, to bad it has to be hurt by this Green Card angle...Funny angle, but it's disrespectful.
-Buzzkill's commentary is ruining this match...Liger with a Powerbomb, no...exchange of covers, Juvi bridges up, and that was a very nice exchange there, between Juvi and Jushin. Juvi has the advantage in this match, Buzzkill is distracting the ref...Juvi smashes a BOTTLE OF TEQUILLA over Liger's head...and JUVI IS THE NEW IWGP Champ.
WINNER/NEW IWGP LIGHTWEIGHT CHAMP: Juventud Guerrera
(7/10 Stars)
-Chavo is in the back, he's the new interviewer, you can buy some fine china from him,
call 555-DEAL...But Chavo is also interviewing Dr. Death and Oklahoma about his match
tonight against Jerry Only.
-Ryan Shamrock is in the back, getting another present...Her name isn't Ryan Shamrock now, it's Symphony, ah, how sweet.
======COMMERCIAL======
-The Mafia Types and Mean Gene are in a bar....The mirror reveals that there is an exotic dancer in front of them...
-Chavo is now talking to the Outsiders...Chavo tries to sell a stereo to us...555 DEAL...Kevin Nash takes the TV Title from Hall, and they THROW the belt into the Garbage...FINALLY!
-Here comes the Revolution w/American Flag...Shane says "Operation Roadkill" was a huge success...Since the Filthy Animals are no more...Konnan and Rey Rey are nursing themselves thanks to the Revolution, and Kidman and Eddy will be figuring out their Love Triangle on another channel. Shane is drawing lots of heat from the fans, by bashing them for cheering Bret Hart...A Canadian. Shane is good on the mic ya know...Now Malenko Has the stick.
-Dean can draw Boos too, by saying American Made and stuff, the Revolution declares themselves a Soverign Nation and they are bashing America now...Dean is changing his name to the Python, Shane is the Rattler, and Asya is the Boa, and Saturn will be The Trouser...Trousersnake...Hahaha...
-Stars and Stripes Forever starts up, and HERE COMES JANITOR HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN, and starts a FREAKING HUGE USA Chant...Says he has their snake right here (His 2X4). Hacksaw is going to the ring, and is beating down Saturn, now he gets in, and beats on Shane and Dean...Er, Rattler and Python. The Snakes try to attack Duggan, and he resists...but Python gets the 2x4, and they...They put the flag on top of Hacksaw...then BENOIT comes out and saves Hacksaw and waves the flag...
-Sid is walking around the back...Outsiders are around back...
-Russo tells Creative Control to bring Piper to him.
======COMMERCIAL======
-Chavo is in the back, he's got Heart Shaped Pendants...555-DEAL...Chavo is with Jerry Flynn, Flynn describes the rules to some sort of match...Called the BLOCK.
-Hennig arrives to Piper and Piper has to take a dump, so he'll be to the Powers when he "damn well pleases".
-HOOWWWLLLL...Here comes THE OUTSIDERS.
MATCH 3:
WCW United States Title Match
Scott Hall vs. Sid Vicious
-Nash joins the announce team as Sid comes out...Hall goes quick to Sid, but Sid takes
down Hall with a HUGE Clothesline...Hall hits the Fallaway slam on Sid, and signals for
the Outsiders Edge...He gets Sid up, but Drops him...The Ref is down, Sid Chokeslams
Hall...Now he is going to Powerbomb Hall...Nash in the ring, and accidentally elbow drops
Hall...Sid is going to powerbomb Nash...But Jarrett is in the ring, and whacks Sid with
the Guitar, and puts Hall on top of Sid, and Hall gets the cover and win...BUT HERE COMES
GOLDBERG...JARRETT GETS HIS FIRST SPEAR, FOLLOWED BY HIS FIRST JACKHAMMER!, Goldberg helps
Sid up, and they hug.
WINNER Still US Champ: Scott Hall
(6/10 Stars)
-Creative Control is bring Piper to Russo.
-Dr. Death and Oklahoma are walking around in the back, talking about Oklahoma football.
======COMMERCIAL======
-We see the Mafia Types dancing in the club.
-Piper is finding out that he has to referee the fat women mud wrestling match...Piper is kinda, confused at first, but then he says "YES SIR!" and seems Damn excited.
-Now we see the Nitro Girls backstage talking about each others mommas, The Red one put mustard on the black one, and the black one put totatoes on Reds breasts, and they are having a food fight...This is kinda funny...Juvi comes back to the eatery and gives Heimlich to one of the Mud Wrestling Fighters, she appears to really be choking...
MATCH 4:
CAGE MATCH
Jerry Only w/Vampiro and Misfits vs. Dr. Death Steve Williams w/Oklahoma
(Escape the Cage Rules)
-Oklahoma is calling the action, While Dr. Death is dominating Jerry Only. Jerry Only with a Cross Body Block off the Top Rope, pretty good for a Punk Rocker. Dr. Death is doing this next move for Oklahoma.
-The Misfits take Oklahoma, and poor his BBQ sauce all over him! Then they throw him into the crowd...Jerry Only gets out of the cage when the door is opened from the outside...So Jerry Only wins...And Dr. Death can't get to Oklahoma.
WINNER: JERRY ONLY
(2/10 Stars)
-Juventud disgusts Russo because he gave that Fat Lady mouth to mouth.
======COMMERCIAL======
-Chavo is in the back talking to Bret Hart about his match with Meng...Hitman says they don't come any tougher than Meng...But Hitman is the excellence of execution...Chavo says Bret's hair was shiny, thanks to his Hair Care products, call 555-DEAL.
MATCH 5:
World Title Match
Bret "Hitman" Hart vs. MENG
NO DQ
-Referee Nick Patrick raises the belt...And were underway. Hart with early punches on "no sell" Meng. Meng takes his foot to the neck of the Hitman, Hart has the offense again however. Meng has gotten a couple 2 counts in this match, which should never happen...Meng is terrible (opinion). Meng however, has a nice somersault splash, looked like Bret was going for the Sharpshooter, but he just headbutt Meng in the groin...Russian Leg Sweep, Bret with a forearm off the top rope...Bret keeps Meng on the Matt...Hall comes down to distract Hart...Hart has Meng in the Sharp shooter...Meng KNOCKS DOWN HALL...Meng has the Tongan Death Grip on Hall....Now Nash is in the ring with a Kendo Stick...The Ref is knocked out by the way...Meng was fighting off the Kendo Stick for a minute, but finally went down....Outsiders work on Meng. Nash sets Meng up for a Powerbomb...Hall pokes Hart with the stick on the outside, and then was going to hit him, but BENOIT is down and saves Hart, Benoit starts beating on Hall...Hart is in the ring now, and snaps the Sharpshooter on Meng...Referee Nick Patrick calls for the match.
WINNER: BRET HART
(7/10 Stars)
-Symphony gets a Teddy Bear backstage, she hugs the bear.
-Package talks to Creative Control about an idea he has for Ratings.
======COMMERCIAL======
-Chavo is in the back, talking about Makeup Kits, that Tygress doesn't need...Says Tygress is ugly without make-up, Tygress starts attacking THE BITCH NITRO GIRL...she calls her a bitch for ripping her costume..
-Evan and Madusa are cuddling in front of a movie backstage...Ew...Madusa asks Evan for a title shot at Starrcade.
-Package is talking to Russo...Suggests that Liz fight the fat woman in the mud wrestling match, as a substitute.
-555-DEAL for delivery before Christmas...Chavo talks to Sting, but Liz interrupts, and Liz is asking for help from Sting...but NO THANK YOU.
MATCH 6:
World Title Number 1 Contenders Match
Chris Benoit vs. Jeff Jarrett vs. Sting
First Pinfall Wins
======COMMERCIAL======
-My mother injured herself while I was away...Looks like Luger and Liz came down, and Sting got knocked out, Dustin Rhodes is in the ring and hits Jarrett with the Bell...Benoit covers Jarrett, and Chris Benoit is the Number 1 Contender!
WINNER: CHRIS BENOIT
(Cant Call Stars)
-The Mafia types are being seduced by some women in the club...I wonder where Mean Gene is...But Gene is busy with 5 or 6 women of his own! HAHAHA!
======COMMERCIAL======
-HOOWWWWWLLLL...Here comes, BIG SEXXXY, he looks focused.
MATCH 7:
Goldberg vs. Kevin Nash
NO DQ
-Goldberg's music starts, Hall is in the back, and opens up Goldberg's door...But Goldberg
is behind Hall and attacks him, Nash is running back to save Hall...Goldberg is dominating
Hall right now...The camera shows Sid Vicious' locker room, and Hall had him locked
in...Nash and Hall are doubling Goldberg, Sid breaks out of his room, and is coming to
save Goldberg. The fight finally migrates to the ring, where Sid is pulling Hall along,
and Goldberg and Nash finally come out. Goldberg is beating on the dazed Nash, and Referee
Johnny Boone calls for the bell, the match is FINALLY started.
-Hall whacks Johnny Boone with a chair, and levels Goldberg too...Hart is now in the ring, and pulls the chair from Hall...Hart Whacks Kevin Nash...GOLDBERG SPEARS NASH. Goldberg sets Nash up for a Jackhammer, and the other Refs are in the ring....Goldberg covers and wins...
WINNER: GOLDBERG
(6/10 Stars).
-Piper is backstage
======COMMERCIAL======
-TTT recaps the Goldberg/Nash/Sid/Hall ordeal.
-Chavo says 555-DEAL, and then Nash says BRING THE CAGE BACK, and The Outsiders'll see Sid and Goldberg later in the night...WITH Hart and Benoit...Outsiders vs. Sid/Goldberg vs. Hart/Benoit!!!
-Piper's Bagpipes hit, and he comes out.
-Creative Control is out, to intimidate Roddy Piper.
MATCH 8:
MUD WRESTLING
Fat Woman vs. Liz.
-Fat Woman makes her way out to the Theme from Designing Women...and here comes LIZ!
-Liz is talking to Package, she doesn't want to fight...But it looks like Piper and Fat Woman are going to fight...Her name isn't Fat Woman, it's Rhonda...Rhonda BODYSPLASHES Piper, Piper Drop Toe holds Rhonda in the mud...this is hilarious...Piper pulls Creative Control in the mud...Piper gives himsef the win after pinning someone...Rhonda looks funny as all hell covered in mud...
WINNER: RODDY PIPER
(9/10 Stars)
-The Mafia Types are in an apartment with some fine twins, the Mafia Types are cooking something.
-Arn Anderson is walking around...but he gets cut off.
======COMMERCIAL======
-Russo is talking to Creative Control about them getting beat by Piper and covered in mud. Arn Anderson is now talking to Russo about why he was fired. Arn says he helped build the company from the ground up, Hennig starts bad mouthing Arn, and tells him to get out.
-Chavo is talking to Skye, the Nitro Girl. Chae is up, and knocks Chavo out of the way, and starts cat fighting with Skye.
-Jerry Flynn is in the back fighting with the Wall in the block...No wrestling holds in this match. This is a good fight, lots of punches...Like I said, no wrestling holds allowed. I guess this is...
MATCH 9:
Jerry Flynn vs. The Wall
BLOCK MATCH
-Flynn is devastating the arm of the Wall, Wall looks to be favoring his right leg. This is alot like a Broiler Room Brawl, they keep fighting around this little doorway. Here comes BERLYN, and he hits Flynn with a pipe, Wall has the Pipe, and is regaining his composure, and chases after Berlyn with the Pipe.
Winner: No Winner.
-Chavo is in the back talking to Piper, Piper says he fought Chavo's daddy and grandpa, and said they were real men, unlike the powers that be, Piper is pissed off...But at the end of the day, Piper will be on top. Piper says Major Malfunction, asking Chavo whats wrong with him, why he sells stuff...Piper is now attacking the Outsiders, he is going Hog wild on them...Piper still covered in mud, Piper calls them Sons of Bitches...Just for the record, nothing has been bleeped out from Nitro tonight.
-Vincent is talking to Hennig about the Texas Rednecks or something...Hennig says "You're in".
======COMMERCIAL======
-Russo is talking to Luger, and Russo is pissed that Liz wasn't fighting in that Mud Match...Package says that by the time the night is over, Liz will be covered in mud...Package says it'll be him vs. Liz, in the mud.
-The Bell tolls, and HERE COMES MIDNIGHT...She is big!
MATCH 10:
Midnight vs. Curt Hennig
EMAIL ME: Do you think Midnight is Stevie Ray? Just wondering...Email me, I'm serious.
-Curt Hennig comes out to Lots of Boos.
-Early on in the match, Midnight is looking impressive, beating on Hennig...Booker T is
banned from Ringside for the record...Hennig slaps Midnight in the corner. Hennig with a
BIG scoopslam on Midnight. Hennig now has an abdominal stretch applied on Midnight....The
Lights go out now...And stay out...Now STEVIE RAY is in the Ring, and is beating on
Hennig...Stevie was suspended remember, LIGHTS OUT AGAIN!...VINCENT/CURLY BILL is in,
Beating on Stevie Ray, helping Hennig...LIGHTS OUT AGAIN!...ARN ANDERSON, ARN IS BEATING
ON CURLY BILL...The old Four Horsemen music plays, and Arn extends a hand to Stevie
Ray...Good to hear that music again :).
WINNER: No Contest
(7.5/10 Stars)
-Luger is carrying Liz to the Mud Pit.
======COMMERCIAL======
-The Mafia types are in their Apartment with the women again, they are arguing...The girls want the "Main Course" if you catch my drift, huh, huh? The women are shackling the Mafia Types to the bed...and leaving them, DISCO INFERNO and LASH LEROUX are in the bedroom now, and are going to pour NOODLES and SAUCE over the Mafia Types...HAHAHA CLASSIC! Lots of Sauce, Noodles and Meatballs! HA!..Disco calls Tony Marinara on the phone and tells him to bring a towel for his boys.
-The Total Package's msuc hits, and here comes Package with Liz over his shoulder...They are heading to the mud, and Liz wont go in the mud...Liz slaps Package...LIZ IS IN THE MUD! Luger has a VERY Nice Suit on by the way, he takes off his jacket, and his watch, Throws a bucket of Mud on Elizabeth, Package is taking off his socks...HEY, HERE COMES STING, and he pushes Luger in the Mud! Sting is battling Package from the stage, but He keepsfaling back in the mud...Sting is throwing Luger's shoes and suit into the Mud Pit...No, he's just going to wear Lugers suit...or throw it in the mud...FUNNY!..Sting helps Elizabeth out, and they walk away together.
-We see World Champ Bret and Benoit walking, then the Outsiders, and now Sid and Goldberg, CAGE MATCH, coming up, Piper is the REF!
======COMMERCIAL======
-Mafia Types are covered, and Veto wont talk to the other guy...
-Bagpipes hit, and here comes Rowdy! Roddy! PIPER!
-Hooooooowwwwwllll, The Outsiders are the First Team out this evening.
-Tony tells us that Tenay suffered major lacerations on his head, and that Tenay was heading to Atlanta right after the show and would be back for Thunder.
-Hart and Benoit are out Next.
-And finally, Sid and GOLDBERG.
MATCH 11: MAIN EVENT
CAGE MATCH
Outsiders vs. Benoit/Hart vs. Sid/Goldberg OR
Outsiders vs. Canadians vs. DOMINATION
Special Ref: Roddy Piper
-Piper is still covered in Mud.
-All 6 Men are going at it...Sid and Nash, Hall and Benoit, Goldberg and Hart...Sid holds Hall while Benoit punches him...Sid tries to get out of the ring, Benoit pulls him down. This is an all out Brawl, in no means a Tag Match.
-Sid and Goldberg double team Hall, Hart stands in the corner, Benoit works on Nash in the corner, Piper just looks on, Nash beats on Goldberg, now he works on Sid, now he attacks Benoit, now Goldberg attacks Nash, Goldberg uppercuts Hall, Hart is putting his foot to Nash's neck, as is Benoit now...Piper is checking on Nash, Nash low blows Goldberg, Hart works on Sid who is trying to escape again...
-Jarrett is making his way to the ring with a Cart chuck full o' Goodies...He Brings a Guitar in the ring and attacks Piper, now he hits Goldberg with ANOTHER guitar, now he Attacks Hart with a chain...Looks like Jarrett is aligned with the Outsiders, They are shackling Hart to the Cage, Jarrett escapes, and locks the cage back up, Benoit works on Hall, Hart is helpless, Benoit is climbing out...Not leaving though...DIVING HEADBUTT ON HALL! I LOVE THAT MOVE!...Piper is out....PIPER COUNTS, Benoit and Hart win...But Jarrett is in and hits Benoit, Goldberg spears Jarrett, Goldberg throws Jarrett through cage, Hall gets Goldberg with the Outsiders Edge, Nash is going to Powerbomb Sid....YES...Jarrett now stomps on Goldberg.
WINNERS: Bret Hart and Chris Benoit
(9/10 Stars)
-Jarret hits Goldberg with "The Stroke". Outsiders and Jarrett leave Bret Hart
alone however, shackled to the cage...Goldberg starts to get up, but the Outsiders stop
him, Jarrett has left the ring, as have the Outsiders now...Wild...And that's all...
What do I say? NITRO WAS GREAT! 8/10...This was one of the best yet from Russo and Ferrara, lots of FUNNY stuff, and they didn't stoop low this week...GREAT SHOW.
Recap for WWF Marks, Illiterate Punks and Whiners:
Creative Control d. Booker T/Buff Bagwell to retain Tag Titles
Juventud Guerrera d. Jushin Liger to become new IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Champion
Scott Hall d. Sid to retain US Title
Jerry Only d. Dr. Death in a Cage Match
Bret Hart d. Meng in a NO DQ Title Match
Chris Benoit d. Sting and Jeff Jarrett in a Number One Contenders Match
Goldberg d. Kevin Nash
Roddy Piper d. Rhonda Fatty in a Mud Wrestling Match
Jerry Flynn and Wall Battle to a No Contest in a Block Match
Midnight and Curt Hennig battle to a No Contest
Bret Hart and Chris Benoit d. Outsiders and Goldberg and Sid in a Cage Match