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WWF Raw is War Report
Live from the American Airlines Arena in Miami
January 3, 2000
Your announcers are JR and the King
If you missed Heat last night, check out my report, it's a good one. You can get great play by play on the surprising D-Lo Brown/Val Venis match.
THE ROCK is here and with him comes the first Rock book shill of the evening. I'm assuming he's going to play up the fact that he is at his hometown. "Finally the Rock has come back home," he says. He goes on to shill for the Dolphins and Ziggy Marley. The crowd loves the man. Rock calls HHH a piece of monkey crap for what he did to Foley. Rock wants a shot at HHH tonight. 1-2 Is this on? Here comes the Artist once known as "The Game." TRIPLE H and STEPHANIE MCHOTSLUT are here. HHH is talking about something, but Steph is looking awfully hot tonight and I'm really watching her. HHH books himself vs. WELLLLLL IT'S A BIG SHOW tonight for the Title. Then, HHH books the Rock in a Handicapped Pink Slip match for tonight. If anyone interferes, they will be fired on the spot. The Rock compares the Rock to Pavlov and calls the fans his dogs. Like idiots, they bark. Rock will face the other three members of DX tonight. They triple team him to preview what we will see later.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
TOO COOL w/ RIKISHI PHATU vs. THE DUDLEY BOYZ
Before the bell rings, The Mean Street Posse comes out. JR tries to say Sexay. Bulldog by
Scotty on D-Von. Now we nails the big man with "The Worm." King says it's not
the centipede. D-Von gets a Stun Gun and now the Dudleyz take over. Scotty left in the for
a while and hits the luke warm tag to Sexay. Sexay with a double DDT on the Boyz and now
the MSP are beating on Scotty. Here come the Acolytes and they send the MSP to the back.
Rikishi in and he kicks Bubba Ray and delivers the Juvi Driver to D-Von. Ref calls for the
DQ.
Winner: THE DUDLEY BOYZ by DQ
In the back, the Acolytes cut a bad promo and say they could beat up the MSP with their hands tied behind their backs.
HHH says that's a good idea, they will have that match tonight. HHH also wants to end KURT ANGLE's winning streak and Blackman can't interfere in his match vs. KANE.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
KANE vs. KURT ANGLE
Angle comes out and talks down Kane. I don't understand Steph's crush on Angle. Kane
brutalizes Angle. Hits a top rope clothesline. Has Angle up for the chokeslam and now sets
up the Tombstone. Blackman is out and hits Angle with the kendo stick. DQ
Winner: KURT ANGLE by DQ
Steph and HHH talking in the back. Angle's winning streak lives on. HHH should be worried about the IC Title tonight?
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Steph is out and she is going to say something. We have to settle who the real IC champ is. Let's go to the film! Double pin and refs disagree. Steph asks who won the belt and JIM KORDERAS says it was and he says it was Chyna. Now, here comes HOTTIE JEZEBEL CHYNA. Steph asks CHAD PATTEN who the champ was. He says Jericho. Out comes JOBBER JERICHO. Steph takes the mike again and says both Chyna and Jericho are champ. Only one of them can defend at a time. If one of them loses, they both lose. They WILL find a way to get along.
HARDCORE, CRASH and SCALE HOLLY are here. Chyna says she is the champ. Hardcore doesn't care, he just wants a match!
HARDCORE HOLLY vs. CHYNA
Back and forth action for a while. Chyna hits the one per match DDT. Holly gets in some
dropkicks and such. End of the match sees Jericho nailing Holly, allowing Chyna to get the
pin. Hardcore beats on Crash as the segment ends.
Winner: CHYNA
Steph and HHH talk backstage. Steph sets up a match involving TEST, BIG BOSSMAN, and PRINCE ALBERT.
Now, we are treated to highlights of the Big Show beating from Smackdown.
COMMERCIAL BREAK- The David Arquette AT&T commercial is damn funny.
WEEEEEEELLL IT'S THE BIG SHOW vs. TRIPLE H for the Big Belt
Big Show doing a number on HHH. All sorts of action inside and outside of the ring. We
comment on how bad Big Show's championship has been. HHH sends Wight over the guard rail
and Wight kicks a security guard in the head. HHH does more work on TBS and gives him an
elbow drop through the announcer's table. TBS stumbles around for a while and then gets
some knees from HHH. TBS is TheBigShowing-up. He gets a headbutt, sidewalk slam, and a
Powerslam and gets 2 2-counts. Big Show hits the Showstopper and HHH gets his leg on the
ropes. HHH rolls out of the way of the top rope elbow drop. HHH looking for another
chokeslam, but with the ref distracted, HHH gets a lowblow. Pedigree and now we have
fireworks and celebration.
Winner and NEW WWF Champion: TRIPLE H
COMMERCIAL BREAK
TEST, FABULOUS MOOLAH w/ HARVEY WHIPPLEMAN and MAE YOUNG w/ MARK HENRY vs.
PRINCE ALBERT and HARDCORE CHAMP BIG BOSSMAN
Lots of brawling. Test gets in some token offense, but then Bossman and Albert double
piledrive Test for the win. That was bad. Henry and Whippleman get beat down by Albert and
Bossman. Test hits the 2 with a double clothesline and clears the ring. They play Moolah
and Mae's music?
Winners: PRINCE ALBERT and BIG BOSSMAN
COMMERCIAL BREAK- That's the beginning of the Test burial.
THE FACE-OLYTES vs. THE MEAN STREET POSSE
Acolytes arms are tied at their sides. They still give the MSP a beating. Wait, the Dudley
Boyz are here and they beat up the Acolytes. There's payback for the tough guys.
Winners: NO CONTEST
DX talking backstage. HHH thinks the Dudz deserve a bonus.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
HHH is dressed with a Groucho mask. He is supposed to be a potential Foley employer. X-PAC is dressed as Foley. He is dying for the job. HHH in mask says that he can only tell bad jokes with a sock he pulls out of his crotch. End of segment? Or did I miss something?
COMMERCIAL BREAK- Winner: NOT ME…this has been very boring and commercial laden.
Slam of the Week: AL SNOW is fighting with the HARDY BOYZ?
JEFF HARDY w/ Matt and Terri vs. AL SNOW
Matt is looking particularly heelish tonight. Maybe they will turn him. Doesn't matter,
Jeff is the cooler Hardy. Al Snow walks down with a chair and knocks out Matt Hardy. Now
Jeff eats a chairshot and Al Snow sends Terri into the cage. He locks the cage with a
chain. Oh wait, Jeff was in there too. He hits a Back somersault plancha and hits a Flying
guillotine nutshot on Snow. Snow back up and more fighting between he and Jeff. Puts
Jeff's leg in the chair, like he did to Matt and now Terri breaks it up. Snow hits Matt's
fingers with the chair and he writhes in pain. Jeff tries to climb the cage, but instead
Snow hits the Snowplow off the cage!!! Snow beats on Jeff with the chair. Matt's fingers
are still hurting him. Spinning heel kick by Jeff. Matt still writhing in pain…what a
pussy. High back bodydrop by Jeff. JR says the Hardyz know no fear. Matt does- what a
faggot! Jeff springboards off Snow's back and climbs out of the cage! Terri trying to
climb out of the cage, but Snow pulls her in. Wait, Gay Matt is out to save Terri. How can
he hold the chair with his broken fingers? He is bad.
Winner: JEFF HARDY
Part 2 of HAVE A BAD DAY. DX is doing parodies of Mankind's book. HHH is dressed as a Japanese promoter called Hung Lo. He says that Foley is not as over as that stud HHH.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Part 3 of HAVE A BAD DAY. It's a Triple H film. We are at a Mankind book signing. Nobody is showing up. HHH dressed as B Daulton comes out and is making fun of the book. At least the movie has the Helmsley direction behind it. Hilarious. B Daulton has no choice but to fire him. Mankind is crying and B Daulton says are you going to beat me with that sock? He says, I'm going to beat your ass like HHH did. Mankind keeps saying Have a Nice day.
DX is watching the movie backstage. They are chatting and laughing. "We need to have some fun tonight." ASSMAN goes to get the door and here comes THE ROCK. He beats them up. We'll see the handicapped match NEXT!
COMMERCIAL BREAK- Mankind Ravioli commercial. He is holding the book. He is such a book gay.
DX minus HHH w/HHH and Steph vs. THE ROCK in a FIRST EVER Your Fired
Handicapped Match
HHH drinks champagne and gets foam all over his mouth. What a jackass. Brawling inside and
outside of the ring. More brawling. Kicking and punching. Rock now firing back. Sends
X-Pac's crotch into the ringpost. Oh wait, DX back in control. X-Pac with a spinning heel
kick for a very close 2 count. The Rock was a second away from being fired. More beating
for the Rock by the three lackies. This is really friggin boring and seems unplanned. Rock
finally comes back. Plants Assman with a DDT, X-Pac with a Samoan Drop, and Road Dogg with
a spinebuster. Dogg pulls the ref out and beats on the ref. The other 2 DXers are back.
More beating on the Rock. He eats a Shitty Jackhammer. Dogg picks up a chair, but here is
Mick Foley! He lays out all of DX with the chair and goes back into the crowd. The Rock is
getting up. Rock gives Assman a Rock Bottom. And gets the pin!
Winner: THE ROCK