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WCW Thunder
Taped From Somewhere
Announcers: "Iron" Mike Tenay and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan
Clips from Nitro. That show was god-awful, minus the Scott Steiner shoot and David Flair's performance.
Earlier today, Double J and the DOA walk into the arena. So does Scott Hall, looking forlorn. He probably hasn't had a beer in about twenty minutes, no wonder.
Iron Mike hypes the show, and the feud between WCW and the nWo. More like the feud between WCW and WCW...they can't get a damn thing right.
Why has Brain been regulated to Thunder? I know Madden is really good on the mic, but Nitro needs all the announcing help it can get.
Cruiserweight Tournament of Doom
Shannon Moore w/Three Count vs Lash Leroux Sucks
-Ohhhhh yeah....this sucks. Tenay has a heart attack anytime Three Count comes onto the show. Truth be told, the beat for this song isn't too bad. I dance better than these guys, and that's saying something. Here comes Leroux, with a nice Jericho t-shirt. Tenay says hi to a big WCW fan...I think it's their only fan. Lash pulls out Karagias, Shane Helms attacks him from behind. Shannon More hits a nice plancha to the outside. They're back in, Moore gets a couple of two counts. Lash picks him up, another reversal for another two count. Leroux hits an inverted powerbomb into the corner. Lash with a version of the fallaway slam, hits a dropkick, and gets two. Lash tries to work the crowd, nails an elbow, and nails the old Whiplash maunever. Evan distracts the ref, Shane hits a superkick, but Lash gets up and nails both men with a clothesline. There's a dropkick on Evan, and now we're back to the match. Reverse irish whip, flip over, and now he grabs a roll-up...and wins?
Winner: Lash LerouxThree Count is in with their green circle, hit Lash, and then do an inverted powerbomb onto the circle. Here comes "Screamin" Norman Smiley to make the save. He's on the mic, and talks about his match with all three guys at SuperBrawl. Yeehaw I say. I admit though, seeing Norman makes all this worthwhile.
Ok, now I understand why Heenan is on Thunder...he's lost all of his comedy skills.
Tonight, we have Bam Bam versus the Demon, Booker vs Stevie Ray, Lodi/Lenny vs Mamalukes, and supposedly Ric Flair is here too. Maybe he'll shoot back on Steiner.
In the back, we have Jarrett, the hot girls, and DOA walking. JJ tells them to stay back, he's going to the ring. Obviously, I read the results, since I posted them, but I already forgot what happens. I've always had the habit of pushing out bad memories, so...
Commercials-Why would anyone actually want to play the Dukes of Hazard video game? That show sucked when it was on, and now ten years later? Good Lord...
Double J w/DOA Interview
-What was Russo thinking when he gave Jarrett the catchphrase "Slapnuts"? He says he Hall was trying to take his title shot, that's why he drilled him. Double J says he'll be champion after SuperBrawl...I say I don't care. Tonight, Sid and Terry Funk vs DOA. Wolfpac music starts, and here's Hall to stumble out onto the ramp. Hall's got a mic, looks a piece of paper, and says "Hey Yo!!" Finally, he can say it!! He punks Jarrett out, and says Double J forgot who's really got the stroke around here. He mentions their battles in the WWF!! Jarrett says he's the commisioner...now I remember what happens here. Kevin Nash on the big screen, he calls Jarrett a slapnut. He's surrounded by beautiful nurses. Nash strips Jarrett of his powers as commissioner. This is a boring interview thus far. He makes a match between Jarrett and Hall for tonight, where the winner gets the title shot at the pay-per-view. Jarrett calls him slapass this time. Nash says Scott can say whatever he wants. Hall takes the survey!! Praise the lord!! Amazing how WCW booking works...Nash left as the top heel, comes back as a supposed top face. Scotty gives a crotch chop to end it.Bam Bam Bigelow walks with his new Hardcore Belt.
Commercials.
Jarrett throws stuff around in the back, curses a little, and I still don't care.
WCW Hardcore Title Match
Triple B vs Demon
-The Demon is supposed to be someone big, and he hasn't won a match yet. Unless you count WCW Saturday Night, which I caught this past week. Demon comes out of the casket, Bigelow nails him from behind, and gets the pin!?! Christ almighty...
Winner: Bam Bam BigelowHere's Brian Knobbs to attack, and he gets beat up. This sucks to the max.
Gene is in the back with Sid and Terry Funk. They're still trying to get Funk over as a face..b.s. This whole thing sucks.
J Biggs, Stevie Ray, and Ahmed are in the back. They say Booker is still in jail, so he can't face Stevie tonight. Ahmed goes to get some food...dammit. DAMMIT I SAY!! This is just draining all the life-force out of me!!
Commercials
Crowbar sitting in the back, singing a KISS song.
Now we get a promo for Booker vs Big T. for the rights to Harlem Heat...I heard Midnight was given her release, not confirmed though.
BIG Stevie Ray w/Clarence Mason vs Booker (I'll bet he's popular in the back with that name)
-Here's Stevie. Now we get crappy music for Booker, and he sends Midnight to the back. Biggs acts shocked, but he's a terrible actor. Booker on the mic, says he won't fight Stevie, but he wants a piece of Mr. Biggs. Stevie surprisingly attacks from behind, but Booker gives him the business with a spin kick. Booker to the outside, he grabs Mason, gets a chair, and DRILLS Stevie Ray with it!! Haha!! Booker screams at the cameraman, and just leaves.
Winner: No ContestHall and Nash on split screen, and they talk about Brian Knobs? They book Finley vs TTP...damn, not even Hall and Nash can save this show!!
Crowdbar and Daphne!! Two of my favorites!!
Speaking of two of my favorites, here's Torrie Wilson. Oh yeah, Kidman's there too with his camera. This match will save the show for me.
Commercials-We get an add for DDP's movie "First Daughter" and they don't even mention his name. I see WCW's crappy influence stretches beyond their wrestling shows.
Here's the Silly Boy thing Widro likes so much, having to do with the WCW Road Report...that chick is hot.
Teny calls Flair vs Funk the match of the ages...the old ages.
Gene is with Flair, and he runs down Hogan. He's trying so hard to be heel, but everyone, including me, still loves him. He says he's gonna kick Funk's cowboy ass...and he WHOOS a lot too.
Kidman w/TORRIE IS F'N HOT!! vs Crowbar w/Daphne Is Hot Too
-I love Crowbar. He slides in the ring, and Kidman gives him the business. Crowbar dives around for no reason, Kidman with a flying head scissors, and a dropkick. Crowbar pulls him out and throws him into the guardrail face-first. Now he drags him around the ring, moves the rubber stairs, and hits a Vader Bomb from the guardrail!! Sweet!! He throws him inside, scoop slam by Storm, goes to the top, goes for a double-ax, and Kidman nails a dropkick in mid-air!! Swinging bulldog for two. Crowbars hit a DDT for two. Quick powerbomb by Kidman for two. In the corner, reverse irish whip, Kidman floats over, and Crowbar hits a front-face suplex, and there's a flying guillotine legdrop. He's got the cover, Torrie distracts the ref, Crowbar grabs his lead pipe, Kidman takes it from him, whacks him in the ankle, hits a top rope frankensteiner, and gets the duke. Not the match I hoped it would be.
Winner: Billy KidmanAfter match, Crowbar moves the steps, and throws himself into them!?! Yeah, ok.
Jarrett and DOA in the back with the hot girls, and he tells them to stay in the back. They blow him off.
Now here's Sid and Terry Funk to walk.
Commercials
Old Man Funk/Goddamit It's Sid vs DOA w/Double J
-Boy, I am PUMPED for this match!! Four of the greatest workers in the world today, all in one classic tag match!! Clips from the Flair/Funk match from Nitro, and kudos to David for taking all of those bumps!! Here's DOA, with Jarrett. Double J joins the announce team. Sid and DOA 1 start off, DOA 1 attacks from behind, and they double-team Sid. Reverse irish whip, missed clothesline, big boot by Sid. He punches in the corner, clotheslines both Harris boys. Funk attacks from behind, Sid hits one of them witha chair. Terry hits a DDT, gets a two count. More double-teaming by the DOA, Harris 1 hits a move, gets a two count. Headlock in the center of the ring, some puches, a miss, Funk hits a backdrop. Reverse irish whip, weak shoulder block, and both men are down. Funk reaches for the tag, DOA 1 hits Sid, but he gets the tag anyway. He cleans house, hits a chokeslam, and Funk pulls up the mat on the floor. Another chokeslam by Sid, piledriver on the concrete on the other DOA, and there's a low-blow by one of the DOA boys on Sid. Terry is getting a table, sets it up, puts DOA guy on there, here's Jarrett, and he drills Funk with the guitar, and he falls though the table!! He's a tough old bastard!! Sid chases Jarrett to the back, and DOA gets the win.
Winners: DOAFlair is in the back, talking to Luger supposedly, even though you can't see him. Flair says he'll take care of Hogan on Nitro, and TTP will take care of Funk. Poor Widro, he doesn't deserve this crap.
Commercials-Spree commercial with Goldberg on it. They need him back big time. Here's an ad for Nitro cologne...smells just like the program...add your own finish there.
Horseface Lex w/Liz and chair vs "Unfit" Finlay
-Lex on the mic, and he sucks as always. Here's Fit to no reaction. They lockup...A fan's sign is being blurred out!! LmAo!! Fit slaps on an armbar. To the outside, Finlay rams the arm into the post a few times. Liz looks good. Reverse irish whip, TTP ducks his head, and Finlay bounces off the ropes...Liz hits him in the leg with a chair, ref calls for the bell. TTP gets a bat, beats the hell out of it, the bell rings a good hundred tiems, and they Pillmanize Finlay's arm. What crap.
Winner by DQ: Fit FinlayHere's Brian Knobs now, and he slams Finlay's arm into the apron.
Commercial
Okerlund in the back with Lodi and Lenny, now known as Lane and Idol for some reason. They talk, and say they're going to take the tag titles. I think they're pretty cool.
WCW Tag Title Match
Marmadukes w/Disco vs West Hollywood Blondes
-Here come the champs, and Lodi and Lenny attack from behind. They talk about Page's book. Vito getting double-teamed, they hit a Hardy tag team manuever, and now stomp away. Double suplex on Vito. Here's Miss Hancock from S&P, and she lets her hair down...she looks hot. She gives Tenay a piece of paper...Lane gets a roll-up for two. Backdrop by Vito. They don't say what's on the paper. Here's more brawling, Lodi with a DDT, Disco pulls him out, Lodi nails him, Lenny with a roll-up, but Johnny makes the save. Reverse irish whip, Lodi goes into Disco, and Big Vito hits Gangrel's DDT for the pin.
Winners: MamalukesHere's Crowbar, and he WHACKS Disco with the pipe, and they steal the tag belts!! Yes!!
Jarrett and DOA talk in the back.
Commercials
Gene in the back with the Cat. He used to be cool.
Flair is walking, and someone watches on the monitor.
Commercials-Benoit is shown in a WCW Magazine commercial!!
Okerlund in the ring, and here's Flair with a magazine in his hand. Crowd pops heavily for him. He says he's the greatest, he built the company, and bitches that Hogan was #1 in WCW magazine, not him. He drops an elbow on the magazine.
Here's Dustin Rhoades...this is the big plan from Funk!?! They talk on the mic, and I guess we have a match.
Old Man Flair vs Dustin Rhoades
-They fight, Dustin hits a clothesline, a snap suplex, and the crowd is semi-hot. Flair reverses an irish whip, Flair bumps into the ref, he's out, and there's Dustin with a bulldog. He covers but no one to count. Flair's up, hits a low blow, but Dustin locks on the figure four!! Flair hits Dustin with his Rolex watch and gets the pin!?! Just shoot me, PLEASE shoot me.
Winner: Ric FlairFlair gets some boos, here's Funk, and some fighting. Luger's out, and he wails away with the baseball bat. Torture Rack on Funk. Security is here to make the save.
Jarrett walks, Hall walks, and Nash is watching on TV!! What excitement!!
Let's see...Ashish gave me a raise and a new office for doing the Rumble report, having to see Mae Young's puppies, so I think I should AT LEAST get some kind of promotion for this crap!!
Commercials
Winner Faces Sid at SuperBrawl
Double J w/DOA vs Geezer Ramon
-Decent pop for Hall. Scott throws his tootpick, decks Jarrett, and nails a clothesline. Another stiff shot, bounce off the ropes, and a clothesline to the outside by the Outsider. He crotch chops DOA, Jarrett from behind, but Hall catches him, tries the Razor's Edge, and Double J backdrops him over the top. DOA attacks and send Razor back into the ring. JJ distracts the ref, they interfere some more, Jarrett gets a two count. Sleeper hold in the center of the ring on Hall and the crowd really comes alive, Hall back up, and hits a backdrop. Jarrett crawls for a cover, but only gets two. Bounce off the ropes, Hall blocks and hits some fists, sending Double J down. Whip into the ropes...fallaway slam!! He calls for the Edge...and the ref gets knocked out!?! What crap!! He hits the Edge, no ref, and Jarrett is up, hits the Stroke, and here's another ref, and Jarrett gets the duke. Story here is that the second ref is crooked. The first official is up, reverses his decision, and makes the match continue. Hall back up with right hands, a DOA on the ropes, he gets nailed, Jarrett has a mic, drills Hall, and makes the cover, but Scotty kicks out to almost no reaction. DOA up again, holding Hall, he misses, Double J has the belt, misses, Hall drills Jarrett with it, and the secnod ref pulls out the other ref. This is total crap. Sid is here to a decent pop, Hall hits the Edge on the second crooked ref while Sid hits the powerbomb on Jarret...ref calls for the bell, says no contest, and we end the show!?!